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Kin Keeping: The Invisible Labor Making the Holidays So Stressful
Creating holiday cheer predominately falls on women.
Girlboss Daily
December 17, 2025 • Estimated Reading Time: 12 minutes
Lara here, Girlboss’ contributing writer! 👋
You’ve probably seen a meme floating around the internet lately, reminding us all that “95% of that ‘holiday magic’ is actually just the invisible and physical work of women.”
The first time I saw that, it felt like a gut punch because it resonated so deeply, and it also offers some valuable insight into why we’re all feeling so stressed TF out lately: it’s hard to feel the holiday magic when you’re the one creating it. Today, we’re diving into that phenomenon and how we can all lighten our load a little.
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It’s a low-impact workout that’ll help you build strength, improve circulation, and encourage recovery—and all it takes is just 10 minutes a day to reap the benefits. Your joints just let out a sigh of relief. 🦵
Stressed AF Right Now? It Could Be from “Kin Keeping” 😵💫
By now, we’re all well familiar with the concept that women do the majority of the invisible labor both around the house (a.k.a. making sure you never run out of toilet paper) and in the workplace (a.k.a. being the one to remember everyone’s birthdays and work anniversaries). 😒
But in all the hullabaloo of holiday magic, it can be easy to forget that the invisible labor of women is the force behind all of that “Christmas spirit” we all love so dearly, too. 🧑🎄
From wrapping presents for everyone on your (and your partner’s) list, to planning a flawless holiday dinner, to arranging a jam-packed schedule so that you have time for your family and your in-laws, a wonderful holiday season doesn’t just happen: it’s made with intention and effort. 🎄 If you’re feeling stressed and overwhelmed, there’s a good chance you’re bearing the brunt of all that labor right now, and it actually has a name: kin keeping.
According to Psychology Today, kin keepers are family members who help enable and assist family communication, plan family gatherings, and help the family keep in touch. 📞 No surprise, this role generally falls on women, and its effects are especially acute during the holiday season.
So what exactly can we do to lighten our load? 🧐
🌟 Start new traditions
Traditions are some of the most beloved elements of the holidays, and a surefire way to break toxic cycles is to start some new ones on your own terms. 🙂↕️ Does roasting the turkey give you heart palps every single year? 🍗 Assign the role to someone else and make it their special project (not to gender-stereotype, but men love being in charge of the meat). Tell your brother, partner, or cousin that it’s all them. Soon enough, it’ll become “Uncle Dan’s famous turkey recipe.”
🧘♀️ Delegate and let go
It’s easy to get hung up on doing everything yourself so that it’s done “just right,” but this mentality can often discourage our loved ones from wanting to get involved. Let your brother be in charge of baking the sugar cookies this year, and don’t laugh (or snap) when they come out burned. It’s the only way he’ll learn! 🍪 Or if you notice that all of the men are sitting around watching the game while the women are cleaning up, gently encourage them to help. Or instill a rule that those who cook don’t have to clean.
🫂 Hug your mom (and your aunt, and your grandma, and your sister…)
Okay, this one doesn’t necessarily lighten your load, but showing appreciation for the hard work of the women around you can mean a lot. 🥲 Often, it’s the lack of acknowledgment or appreciation that stings the most, and something as simple as telling them how grateful you are, doing the dishes after the big holiday meal, or reminding them to sit down and enjoy dessert can be a pretty special gift to a woman who’s been bending over backward for everyone else.
POLL: Are you stressed from kin keeping? |
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